We are all more than used to being on the receiving end of advice, no matter how good -— or bad. Our friends, co-workers, and families are always well-wishing us to live our best lives when it comes to our careers, love life, and anything about which we choose to rant.
Some advice is obvious: I mean, what kind of friend would tell you to stay in a thankless, demeaning job? They’d sit you down, tell you your boss is an idiot for not recognizing your talent and then spend hours helping you update your LinkedIN profile. Money issues? True friends are judgement-free and ready to pop by with cheer and the good wine when your bank account limits you to basic cable and buck-a-beer.
But when it comes to dating, everything changes. Advice turns from proactive guidance to a list of generic suggestions as to why you’re alone and what you can do to cure yourself of singlehood.
Below, I present a really short list of the worst, most typical advice I (and I’m sure many of you) have received in your lifetime. Single people, get ready to cringe.
1. PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE.
This suggestion had to be top-of-list. The well-wishing thought behind this advice is that life is a Hallmark moment waiting to happen, and that our meet-cute is waiting for us at the bowling alley/supermarket/coffee shop… The reality is that we frequent these places anyway, so how else are we supposed to put ourselves out there? And where is there, anyway? My day-to-day includes the supermarket, the bank, my local coffee shop… Seriously, most of us couldn’t be more “out there”, so this advice is…just…stupefying.
2. JOIN A DATING APP.
Not so fast, well-wishing advice-givers. We’ve already seen the collateral damage that goes hand-in-hand with online dating: feeling like you have to post Photoshopped bikini pics; receiving unrequited dick pics; and wondering if you’re being catfished. Sure, not all dating apps are created
evil equal, but some of us still believe in a romance that doesn’t include an iPhone and filters.
3. JUST. DON’T. DO. IT.
Yes, your (unhappily?) attached friends will take the time to dissuade you – usually over happy hour cocktails and a rant session that decries the institution of marriage. And sure, while you’re seated across from your miserable, betrothed friends, single life seems super awesome. But would that person give the same advice if they were in a super awesome relationship? Nope. They’d be shouting the joys of coupledom from the rooftops while side-eyeing your dating life. Buyer beware: advice is subjective, thanks to the person giving it.
In short, everyone will offer you the advice they’d likely offer themselves, and that’s never helpful. So take a moment to figure out what you want and stay the path that you think is best for you.
That’s the best advice I think anyone can give to someone who’s trying to navigate the single life.
Let every hair flip be fabulous.
photo manipulation by le snobbery